Story of my beard

When I was very young, one of the neighborhood kids was very obese.  He could not be described as having baby fat, or being chunky.  He was 6 or 7, and was round.  He seemed really nice, and kept to himself.  I admit to being bad with names, but in fairness, nobody in the neighborhood knew his name.  As far as we knew, his name really was "Fat Kid".  He answered to it, so it must be true.  This is where you say "kids can be cruel".  He didn't go to our school, he didn't play with the other kids.  He chose to be alone.

On one afternoon, our play options were limited.  It had rained all day, so we were confined to playing under the covered parking at our apartment complex.  We all played with our cars, reenacting last nights episode of Dukes Of Hazzard.  Fat Kid comes over and asks if he can play.  I gave him some of my cars (that I had carefully picked out), and we resumed our game.

Everything was going well, until one of my friends started making fun of me.  Not to say that is bad.  Making fun of each other and our families is a solid form of entertainment in the neighborhood I grew up in.  I don't know what he said, but I fired right back.  This led to my other friend to join in, and we were going round and round.  Typical comments are "your mama so black, she gets marked absent at night school or your nose so big, you pick it with a boxing glove".  This banter is an open invitation for anyone to join in.  We do this so often that if you jump in, you better be prepared.

At this time Fat Kid decides to join in the fun.  He turns to me and says "your so stupid, you keep Frosted Flakes in the freezer".  Then hits me with "your so fat, when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house".  Followed by "my mom took me to the circus, you can't afford to go".  (Please remember we are all under 7 years old).  The way I see it, he got three good shots in.  I was being nice by not responding, but he just called me stupid, fat and poor.  So I laid into him:

• Your so fat, you don't use a lunch box, you use a suitcase 
• When you went to circus, do they try to feed you peanuts and make you do tricks?
• Was the circus scared that you would steal their tent to make another shirt?
• We can afford the circus, we just can't fit if you are there.
• You are so fat, I don't know where your face stops and your stomach starts

He started crying after the second put down, the last comment made him snap.  By the time I was done, he was charging at me with both arms spinning.  He looked ridicules, like the robot from Lost in Space.  Instead of fighting him, I jumped back and yelled "he is going to eat me!!!"

I knew right away that I had done a bad thing.  The other kids stared at me, while Fat Kid left the parking lot crying.  I usually felt good about myself after I cut someone down, a feeling of power.  My friends, sensing my sadness, did what friends do.  Make you feel worse.  "Wow, that was really mean".  Thanks, you really know how to cheer a guy up.  After, what seems like an hour of silence, Roger walked up to me.  Roger was my closest friend.  Our front doors were three feet apart.  Surely he would make this better.  "Don't feel bad, Fat Kid deserved it...he just stole three of your cars".

This memory is steeped in lessons.  All of which I could have learned from, and been a better person.  The one that stands out the most was that one comment "you are so fat, I don't know where your face stops and your stomach starts".  That is when I decided, when I grow up, I am growing a beard.

Hot cup of prozac with Therepy on the side

It is not a crime to ask for help.  (It is if it involves a dead body, but that's a different story.)  It's good to talk about your problems, get things off your chest, and get help working things out.

Every once and a while, someone says something that makes me wonder, "who hurt you?!?!"  Other times it is very apparent.

This man was hurt so badly that he felt compelled to graffiti a bathroom door.  Even though I think it is extreme, I don't know both sides of the story.

This was a mixed relationship, that much I know.  The writing was above my waistline, so he was not a midget himself.  I also tend to think that if he was a midget, he would not be so quick to point out her size or that it would not be a factor into the statement.

This is probably not the first Midget relationship he has had.  He makes a point to say "bitches" not "bitch", and I would also tend to think that he would be more specific if it was one woman.

Ether way you cut it, this man was hurt.  He may have done it in a drunken rage, but all I see is a cry for help.  It is a shame to see relationships go sour, and hope that time will heal this wound.  There are plenty of Midget fish in the sea, I'm sure that when he is ready, he will cast that little rod and hook another.

Dedication

In everything you do, you should show a certain amount of dedication.  This should allow you the greatest chance of success.  Dedication in your relationship is a good example.  Putting your heart into it.  This is good.  Dedication in your job, is a preferred state.  But, sometimes it is for not.  You can pour your heart into it, and your employer not appreciate it or even worse, work environment continues to be stressful no matter how dedicated you are.  It may take a lot of blood sweat and tears before you realize it is not a good fit.  If you cannot find an alternative position, and feel helpless.  Don't worry, it is not permanent.

Not like a tattoo on your head of a guy mowing your hair.

SPECIAL BONUS BLOG: THE MEANEST MAN IN THE WORLD

Everyday I have a little meeting with a Sub-Contractor that works for me.  We have been working together for eight years.  He has a good heart, but is somewhat irritating and gullible as hell. About a month ago I turned to him and made the following statement:

"I give you a hard time about being a band wagon fan.  You root for the team that is doing the best, and readily admit to being a big game fan.  That is not acceptable.  Now that the NBA is on strike and the NBA and the WNBA will be merging, what team are you going to root for?"

The beutiful thing about a good lie is the little strand of truth that runs through it.  He sat down and was dumbfounded that the men's and women's teams will be competing together.  There is such a size and wieght difference that it seemed unfair.  That is when I spewed a bucket full of lies

"They can only put as many men that the other team has on the floor, so they are evenly matched.  Any foul committed on a female player is considered a flagrant foul and could lead to the ejection of said player.  This is just a special league that will be in place until the strike is resolved."

HOOK LINE AND SINKER

Fast forward to today.  I told him that since the NBA will begin their season on Christmas Day, this week is going to be jam packed with good NBA/WNBA games.  Each day will have three or four games on.

Why did I do this?  Well, mostly because I am mean.  Not just a little, but a whole lot of mean.  I will not be there when he finds out this was a lie.  He will be making small talk with someone, and want to seem like he is a sports guy.  That is when it will happen.

I love being me.

The Punisher

I saw this chair at a retirement community. 

I was shocked.  This has to be one of the most openly dangerous chairs in the universe.  It is inviting someone to have a very embarrasing accident.  Or maybe this chair is typically purchased by people that WANT to have that special kind of accident.

Or maybe I am just reading too far into it.  It's just a chair that has acorns on the arm rests.  It's all in my head.

Nope, this chair is ALL wrong.

Say it loud, say it proud

I don't believe that there are a lot of cultures that embrace the bumper sticker like Americans.  There are villages that are using burros to haul supplies to and fro.  If they had a car, it would not have a bumper sticker on it.  There are people in the desert, holding on the side of a van.  They don't feel the need to have their political views stuck to the bumper.  These people must hate us.

We use these stickers to transform our vehicles.  As if they have some magic powers.  When you own a Honda minivan, all you have to do is apply a Slayer sticker to the back window.  Now you don't look like you are driving the kids to soccer practice.  That sticker announces to the world, that at any given moment...mosh pit.

Most country's view this Ford truck as a work vehicle.  Not to us, we feel it is equally important to share our preference on female body parts.

These things would never fly in most country's.  This is why our fore fathers left England. Bumper stickers are made for Americans.  If you own a bumper sticker, or are looking into buying one...keep that money in the good ol' US of A.

It is only here, that you can have a work van that you can advertise your religious beliefs, your views on Government officials and your right to bear arms.  Take a moment to drink this image in.  The sticker on the far right says: Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun.  That my friend is freedom.  That sticker is actually telling the world: Ted Kennedy's car has killed more, but at the drop of dime, I will even the score.

Misery loves company

AAAAGH!!! MY EYES!!!

This is someone's Grandma.  This is gross.  Please make it stop.

If you know this woman, or one of her great-grand kids, please for the love of God, make her put on some clothes.  I am sorry to do this to you, but if I make this a public appeal, maybe we can make a change.

Now excuse me while I wash my eyes out with bleach.

Dont feed the animals

Recently we went to Las Vegas for the weekend.  We are really not big on gambling, as a matter of fact I did not spend a cent on it.  I do, however enjoy the city and the many things it has to offer.  The big casinos spend a ton of money to keep you entertained.  This is also wingnut central.  I can't begin to tell you about all the crazy people that I saw, and I didn't even stay on the Strip. 

I kinda see Vegas like being at the zoo.  You can observe the wildlife, but you want to be careful, not to get too close.  For instance, I saw this man in a motorized chair.  He was driving down the middle of traffic begging for money.  I am not sure if you make a good case for soliciting money if you can afford to drive a motorized chair, and you obviously have access to electricity to power it.  I wanted to give him tips on how to increase his begging potential.  A good limp goes a long way, so you may want to semi push the chair.  This will also give the illusion that you can not afford to charge the device.  As much as I wanted to be helpful, I doubt my family would be pleased with my attempt to hone my leadership ability by mentoring him.  I instead, stayed in the safety of my car and took a million pictures of him as he cruised by.  Just like the zoo.

The zoo analogy was mind blowing.  Everywhere I looked there were these people.  There is a certain comfort level that comes with this epiphany.  I felt very much in my element.  Able to observe, make commentary, without the fear of being grouped in with them.

This comfort zone quickly went away when we had breakfast one morning.  Because I am a big fat guy, I love me the buffet.  To us fatties, the buffet is like a religious experience.  The real fat ones pray multiple times a day, in the direction of Vegas.  I am sitting there, enjoying my eating experience, when I realize that the people that are waiting in line to enter the place, are staring at me.  I whip my camera out and start taking their pictures.  I figure I can post these people on my blog and talk about how rude it is to ogle at others when they are eating.  I'm staring at my picture, when I realize that they were observing me!  I am one of the animals in the zoo, and they are looking at me like I am a wildebeest that is feeding.


I guess this is justice.  I treated all these people like animals in the zoo.  All the while, I was one of them.  There is a lesson to be learned here.  I just don't care what it is.

Thank God

I am constantly on the look out for bizarre people or things.  Not every day is a treasure, sometimes it will be days before I see something that is picture worthy.  Then there are other times, that my better half prevents me from taking the shot.  She is doing the Lord's work, by stopping me.  Although, I think it is amusing that I am posting a picture of a one legged midget with one eye, my wife disagrees with that. The other day I hit the jackpot.  


As I passed by this establishment, I did a double take.  I drove back into the parking lot, so I could take a better look.  8158 Human Hair Co is definitely picture worthy.   Now, this should be a slam dunk.  They obviously specialize in human hair weaves.  Well, it is obvious to me.  What is not so apparent, is why they named it 8158 Human Hair Co.  8158 is not the address, it is the price of the weave.  They charge $81.58.  This seems very short sighted.  How can they increase or decrease the price?

I barely had time to process the picture I took of the human hair place, when I saw this truck.  I had to speed up to take this picture (Note: One day I will get a ticket for taking pictures like this, and my wife will divorce me.  If you enjoy these pictures, then you need to come to my defense).  This guy has a mural on the gate of his truck, that depicts him getting pulled over by the police.  Let me give you a little insight on "Truck Guys".  They typically do things to their trucks to make them more attractive to the opposite sex.  They will drive huge monster trucks that get horrible gas mileage and can only be useful when crushing cars or small villages.  They do this because they think "chicks dig it" (this will eventually be blogged about in an upcoming entry entitled "Are You A Bro-Ho?").  Can you imagine the self esteem on the woman who falls for this guy?? Even worse, I imagine he has a tattoo that is just as bad.  Maybe of him being handcuffed.

At about this time, I was beginning to think it was me, not these people.  Maybe I am trying to hard to see the nuttiness around me.  Am I the sole nut in the bowl.  As soon as I asked myself this question, God answered me.  In the form of guy standing on the corner reading a bible out loud, while holding a trombone. 


This is proof that God has a sense of humor...this is proof that God loves me.

I'm a wingnut too

I enjoy fooling people.  I wouldn't consider myself a liar...who am I kidding.  I am a professional liar.  I lie about just about everything (that is inconsequential).  I don't lie about the important things.  Just the little things.

Ask me if I saw the latest movie, and I will probably say yes.  On a good year, I will go to the movies once.  I don't want to hear you try to talk me into seeing this movie, so I will lie, so you will let it go.  That seems harmless enough.  I am essentially lying to save you from the brutal truth: "No I will not see your stupid movie, now shut your pie hole."  See, I am doing the world a service.  I will also use this discretion, when you walk up to me looking like a stuffed sausage clown hooker.  I won't point and laugh, then ask if you lost a bet.  I will just say "wow, look at you" or "niiiiice!" and always followed with a thumbs up.  These are all examples of me, being nice.

I will also lie, to underline your stupidity, to see how gullible you really are or allow you the opportunity to join in the fun.  It is not as confusing as it sounds.  Let's say we are at a party and a small group of people are engaged in a conversation.  It is inevitable that I will work some sort of stupid lie into the conversation.  Example: Punky Brewster actress, (Soliel Moon Frye) did porn in the 90's under the name "Humpy Brewster."  This may sound ludicrous, but please keep in mind that I sell it.  I give a back story that Soliel turned to a life of drugs after her show was canceled, but since her porn days, has become a prominent fixture in a Christian organization that rescues porn stars (all lies).  If I am underlining your stupidity, you buy it hook line and sinker.  Then you spread my lie to other people.  If you are borderline gullible, you will be skeptical, and rightfully so.  That is the challenge and the back story that I weave is where I get you to bite.  Now the people that smell the lie, they are my accomplices.  They chime in with their verification of my story.  Ahhh good fun. 

Recently a friend gave me this picture:

It is a Hot Dog on a Stick employee at an airshow.  Pretty random.  That fact that he printed it and put it into a frame, makes it magical.  I now have carte blanche to make up whatever story I want.  Please note, this picture sits on my desk next to pictures of my family.

My current story...
In 1991, some friends and I started sending money to a Ethiopian family in need.  They used this money to help fund their education.  Last year, the youngest daughter was excepted into an overseas exchange program where she joined Hot Dog on a Stick University.  She excelled in the program, and was offered a position running a pilot program "Hot Dogs around the world."  This picture was taken at the farewell party, just before she boarded the plane.  She is now back in Ethiopia running a very successful Hot Dog on a Stick.

I don't know why I do this.  I do know that my wife would never take this nonsense, so I take it out on other people.  I used to be way worse, my wife makes me a better person.

The world should thank her.

Blasphomy eggs with a side of going to hell toast

Wingnuts come in all shape and shape and sizes, and they need to eat breakfast too.  While at a swapmeet (aka-flea market if you are from Northern California), I saw this gem:

You can use this to make an egg in the form of the Holy Cross.  I guess you could also use it to make Holy Cross pancakes as well.

My intention is NOT to launch into a discussion about religion.  I once had a manager that told me: "opinions on religion and politics are like assholes...everyone has one, I don't want to hear about yours."  What I want to know is: which group is buying this, and why.

mmm...Oscar Wilde

Is it the super religious person?  Do they want to be so close to God, that they want to ingest religious icons?  Do these people also have Jesus Christ waffle irons?  I get being passionate about your beliefs, but don't you think it has gone to far when you want to eat it?  Let's just take religion out of the equation.  Let's say you are very passionate about the literary works of Oscar Wilde.  I can't imagine that someone would want to eat him.  Not to say that a Oscar Wilde omelet wouldn't be delicious, especially with Dorian Gray sauce.

Is it the anti-religion people or people from other religions that are "haters"?  As odd as this may seem, these two groups would be a dream to market this too.  I can see that infomercial now (que the dream sequence)..."How dare you claim that you are agnostic, when your kitchen utensils are the same as everyone else! How dare you preach that the other religions are evil overlords trying to repress the truth, when you are eating the same eggs as the infidels! Well, your worries are over...with the religious icon breakfast set.  Now you can enjoy a little blasphemy in the morning!  Hate the Christians? Bite into a Cross Over-Easy.  Want to stand out as a upraising member of the Agnostic Front? Order the whole set and enjoy starting your day with a hearty breakfast off ALL the religions! Order now and we will include the Baby Bullet for freeeeeee!!!!"

Crappy party

Parties for kids have become pretty standard over the last ten years.  You get a bounce house and let all the kids jump themselves silly until they walk with a limp for the next two weeks.  The parties without the bounce house, are usually more entertaining, or they really suck.  When you invite a bunch of kids over, you have to work really hard to be entertaining to keep them engaged.

These bounce houses come in all shapes and sizes.  They usually have a popular character theme associated with it.  They get around paying the license fee's by making small changes to character and changing it's name.  Spider man is now Spider dude, Dora the Explorer is Donna the Explorer and of course Sponge Roberto Square Pantalones.  I get a kick out some of the ingenuity that these manufactures have.  Castles, forts, tropical theme, you name it, they have it.

But, when I saw this bounce house, I figure it is going to be a really crappy party.

Tough economy

Jobs are not easy to come by these days.  With all the layoffs due to this economy, it is not uncommon to see skilled labor or someone with a professional background, doing a job to make ends meet.  This is simply what we have to do right now.  I admire their perseverance and willingness to do what is necessary to survive.

I recently saw my friend Fred, doing one of these jobs.  He spent years working at a quarry.  I thought his position would be secure, but am glad that he is able to provide for his wife and daughter.

It seems like it was yesterday, watching Fred pull up to the local burger stand.  I swear he would always order a rack of ribs that would topple his car.  Now he is twirling a sign on the side of the road.

We should all be thankful for what we have.

forms of payment

I like cheap Chinese food.  The food that is not entirely healthy, but it makes up for it in sheer volume. Don't judge me.  We all have these guilty pleasures.  I don't think this is really Chinese food, just food that Americans have accepted as Chinese food.  I doubt anyone in China is ordering a two item combo with chow mien teriyaki chicken and mongolian beef.
These places are fairly easy to find.  They are the little hole in the walls where most of the food is kept under heat lamps.  I go to the ones that have a line of people, and stay clear of the ones that sell donuts, fried chicken, fish and chips, pagers, cell phones and cash checks.  There is no way they can do all these things well, let alone mediocre.
The one I frequent the most, The Ho-Ho (no I am not kidding), is pretty good.  This is the highest rating a place like this can get, the lowest rating is: bring a stomach pump.  These places are not limited to impoverished areas.  You can find them at most shopping centers and malls.
I did not think The Ho-Ho was in a bad neighborhood, but my wife insists that I am not a good judge of these sort of things.  Because I grew up in the barrio/ghetto, as long as nobody is actively being beaten, stabbed or shot on the street...it is not that bad.
Recently while visiting The Ho-Ho, I have changed my mind about how I have been assessing bad neighborhoods.  I noticed that there was a sign by the cash register that stipulated the forms of payment that are NOT accepted.

If you are in an establishment that has ever been offered a business card as payment, it is not a good neighborhood.  I'm not sure who would do this, and I feel like they may have gotten away with it at one point.  They must have, for them to make a sign.
Can you imagine that conversation..."just put it on my business card"

420?

Today is April 20th.  A day that is sure to encourage people (that rarely need encouragement), to sit around and smoke weed.  I don't condone this behavior, not at all.  I am not for or against cannabis use.  I do know this, I would rather live next door to a pot head than a drunk or tweaker.  The stoned guy will not keep you up all night and does not have the energy to try and break into your house.
I make notice of this day for one reason.  That if you are under the influence, I wanted to give you something really cool to look at.  If you are sober, you will find it interesting as well.  You are just less likely to pee on yourself when laughing.

A periodical called Meatpaper.  If you subscribe to it, you get your own veal cage.  Please note how serious the cover model is.  He has that "yea, I eat meat and I'm damn proud of it" look.   This guy eats steak with a side of meat and on the rare occasion he has a salad, he tops it with au jus.

I don't eat out of the vending machine at work, but I could not help but notice that the vendor is taking advantage of it being 4/20.  That is the only explanation that there are Burger King French Toast Snacks in the machine.  I am willing to bet that they came up with the idea of this snack food on 4/20.

I'm back!!!!

I went on vacation for a week, and drove to Northern California.  Upon my return, I had to fly out to Arizona for work, for a few days.  I saw lots of interesting things and met a lot of interesting people.  I took a billion pictures and prepped a hundred postings.  I did not publish any of them.It was not until today, that I had the burning urge to publish my findings.
I was at one of our local malls this weekend.  It was amazing.  Mini-skirt, sunglasses and gloves...

 Yes this is for real.  Yes, she realized I was taking her picture and smiled.  Yes, those gloves have zippers.

Ouch...head hurts...joke overload.

Pretentious Crepe

This weekend we were in Half Moon Bay, California.  My wife grew up there, so we try to visit as often as possible.  I find it very interesting how the town has changed over the years.  A lot of money has moved into the area, so you still have that small town feel, with a massive price tag.  It stands to reason that this would happen.  It is just south of San Francisco, along the coast.  It is picture perfect and has a large artist community.  Everything that attracts money.

For the most part, I don't play well with others.  I like to poke these people with a stick, as often as possible.  While we were at a small bakery, the woman in front of me goes into long winded dissertation prior to asking her question.  She approached the counter and announced to the lady behind the counter, that she was having an upscale dinner party and wanted to know whether they could accommodate her needs and still ensure the top quality.  It sounded a lot like (note: she sounded like Mrs Howell).... "I am having a dinner party that will include many high society people, can you tell me the origins of your grain and if you can guarantee that it will be of superior quality for my high society guests.  Is your grain raised locally and can you give me a complete profile of the farmer.  I can't supply my high society guests with any grain that was harvested cruelly.  I need to see the signed contract that the grain willingly agreed to be a part of my bread.  I would like to meet the young gentleman that hand carried said product to the eco-friendly vehicle and pictures of the wind powered mill as well."

OK, maybe this is a slight exaggeration, but to me that is what it sounded like.  I was so interested in the conversation that I didn't realize that I was ignoring a young lady that was waiting to assist me.  Now I decide to make fun of this stuck up customer by acting as snooty as her.  I ask the employee if I could have a Cinnamon Crepe, then point out that I missed pronounced it and it was actually a Cinnamon Crisp.  I apologize for the mistake and tell her that I recently returned from one of my many trips to Paris and haven't made the adjustment.  She doesn't bat an eye and processes my order.
I realize when I was done, that my joke fell flat and she thinks I am one of the pretentious people.

Now I feel bad.

If I were a Cop

There is soooooo many things wrong with this truck.

The images on the right are the band members of Metallica.  Yes, he decided that his truck needs to have the pictures of the entire band on the tailgate of his truck.  I get that James Hetfield is awesome, but how many people look at that picture and say "your truck looks so much better with Lars rockin' the drums!".  If I were a Cop, I would pull him over to find out what he was thinking.

Right side of the truck.  There are two images of Poncho Villa hanging out with what looks like a terrorist.  I can't begin to think what the thought process is behind this.  If I were a police officer, I am pulling this guy over everyday, to find out what he was up to.

The sticker on the top says "Ra_ge against the machine".  He scraped off an additional letter.  There is a strong possibility that at one time, that sticker read: RANGE AGAINST THE MACHINE.   If I were a Cop, I would surely find a pound of weed in this truck.

Profile complete:
He is not a retard for having pictures of the entire band Metallica.  He is not involved in an terrorist organization.  He is not a massive pot head for misspelling Rage against the Machine.  Please note, the right side turn signal is different from the left.  This guy is a huge Tweaker.  He started changes his tail lights, then in the middle of that added all these sticker, then realized he spelled the bands name wrong, then scraped off the N, then started washing his truck, then started cutting the lawn, then went to store for cigarettes.

If I were a cop, I just arrested him for possession of Methamphetamine.

Breaking up

I am totally down with public humiliation, but I think there is an art to it.  We do not have to lower ourselves by going for the low hanging fruit.
 Charlie Sheen, I have been making fun of you for years.  I replaced the term "kid in a candy store" with "Charlie Sheen in a whorehouse" When I know I am correct about a subject and someone questions me, instead of saying "Does a shark shit in the sea?", I say "Is Charlie Sheen doing a line of blow off a hookers ass?"  You get the picture.
I'm sorry Charlie, it's not you...it's me.  I can't continue our relationship.  You are in the middle of a thermo-nuclear meltdown, and the media is having a field day.  I just don't want to be one of massive hordes that are circling over your drug and alcohol soaked body.  I really wish we could go back to the days when you were testifying in the Heidi Fleiss trial, and I was making fun of you.  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I hitched my wagon to your train wreck and not Hugh Grant and his prostitute.  There will always be special place for you in my heart.  I just need to make fun of other people.
Yeah, I had my moments telling people to buy the new Tiger Woods golf game, that has the bonus slut level.  I don't want you to think I am running off to make fun of someone else.

Lets just say, I'm playing the field.

Tell the truth

The owner of this car is taking the initiative.  They want to make sure that their car will still be in the parking lot when they get out of the store.  I see this as being a trend, that we all need to get behind.

• Mercedes with a thousand miles of dirt on it: I DON'T WASH MY CAR, TO PISS YOU OFF.  IN YOUR YOGO.
• Window-less van: YES, I LOOK SUSPICIOUS, BUT I AM NOT A PERV.
• Truck that has fifteen foot lift: I THINK I LOOK COOL, THAT IS WHY. 

328lbs