Merry New Year!!

I trust everyone had a happy holiday.  Hopefully your stockings were filled with merriment and your champagne glasses overflowed with gifts.  I took a nice vacation, and got away from it all.  While I was away, I overflowed with things to write on my Blog.  It is so much, that I decided to break it off in small, digestible bites.  I do, however have something to get off my chest.

What the hell is Nog?  According to the dictionary it is a "strong ale formerly brewed in Norfolk, England".  Hmmmm, really?  The only Nog I know of is Eggnog.  Why is this the only Nog and why can't we have the strong ale formerly brewed in Norfolk, England?  That sounds delicious, and it doesn't sound like a seasonal item.  The Eggnog comes once a year.  It must be really lucrative to have an Eggnog company.  Either that or they are the same people that make Advent Calendars and Dreidels.  I say that in order to be considered a Nog, other companies need to catch up and create thier own lovely variations.  I close my eyes and imagine a thick sturdy ale...and smile.


Now the subject of bets.  It isn't so much that I like making them, I like making people do ridiculous things.  One of my favorite things is shave one leg.  The loser of the bet needs to shave one leg.  Any leg of their choice.  The fun part of it, they shave one for the bet, then have to decide if they want to shave the other one.  The female version, stop shaving one leg for two to three weeks.  


My Assistant and I recently had a bet.  No, not the shaving thing.  The bet is to wear two different pairs of shoes, one black the other a different color.  This gave her a lot of anxiety.  She realized that if she lost she would be wearing two different shoes that did not have matching heels.  She would be walking lopsided all day.  She also realized (way too late), that if I lost, I would not care.  I would rock the two shoes with pride.  Guess who lost.

Not only did she walk funny all day, her heels made two different sounds while walking down the hall.

you are fired!

I love the Circus.  I love the atmosphere, the acts and yes, I love the clowns!  What is not to love about a clown.  Their whole goal in life is to make you smile.  They will put their life on the line, to make you laugh.  I am talking circus clowns, not rodeo clowns.  That's just creepy.

I recently took my family to the Circus.  It was a blast.  I can't help but think all the time, effort and skill that goes into everything that each act does.  They swing from the ceiling from fishing line, ride bikes on a twine and spin around on the end of a telephone pole that is being twirled by a Roman Gladiator.  That is talent, that is skill.

Some of these jobs, however, make me glad I do what I do.  They make me feel thankful.  When things are bad at my work, I remind myself.  At least I am not the guy that walks behind the elephants with a snow shovel, to pick up poop.  At least I am not the guy in this video.  He comes in to work, everyday, just to get fired.

Automated Response- Do Not Reply

I will be out of the office Monday June 20th, in observance of Sir Cardigans birthday.  If this is an emergency, please contact Dont Care (idontcare@goaway.com). 

I don't want to give the outward appearance that I am taking an abundance of time off.  Rest assured this is not the case.  I only take time off for holidays that I deem important.  This is a milestone birthday and should be publicly acknowledged.  This should have been done at the surprise party that was thrown for him on Saturday.  Unfortunately I could not attend.

Because Sir Cardigan and myself have never hung out alone, I don't know what I can do to honor him on this special day.  So I will do the following:

• Because DEVO does not get the respect that they deserve, I will be blasting my entire collection while wearing a red plastic flowerpot.
• The movies Gremilins, Goonies and Monty Python Holy Grail will be playing on a constant loop
• I will be playing the following video games: Zork, Q-bert and Joust
• I will construct a beer bong then after using it, will find a mime to harass

These are not things I did to celebrate my 30th birthday, I just wish I had.

Long Weekend

For those keeping track.
Yesterday was Iggy Pop day today is John Waters day.  This can only mean one thing...LONG WEEKEND!!!

It is John Waters birthday.  If you don't know or can't appreciate his work, then have fun at work.

Here is a little something that a fellow aficionado brought to my attention.

Happy Iggy Pop Day!!!!!!!

Today is Iggy Pop's 64th birthday.  If you were unaware and came into work, please plan an additional day off in observance of this holiday. 

For the people that are taking the day off, just to take a day off, you are probably wondering who Iggy is.  You would best know his work from the song "lust for life".  This song was featured in the movie Trainspotting and is the music from the commercials for Carnival Cruises.  You would also know him from the song "China Girl", that was made popular when David Bowie re-released it. 

Iggy and the Stooges are one of the most influential punk rock bands of the 70's and 80's.  Iggy's solo career has more highlights than I can list. 

Do yourself a favor and take this day to enjoy his work.  You will thank me.

Minimum Day

 I will taking time off whenever I feel that a holiday should be observed (Exene Cervenka Day, Chuck Norris Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day, etc).  I will be taking a minimum day whenever the event of observance is big, but does not warrant an entire day off.

I will be leaving early today in observance of Dee Snider's birthday.  Yes, front man to Twisted Sister.  His dedication to the Heavy Metal cause is reason enough to take time off.

I will be listening to Twisted Christmas all afternoon.  You will know who I am, from the blood trickling out my ears.

Out of office...again

I am currently out of the office. In observance of Chuck Norris' 70th birthday.

He kicked the crap out of 69 and will undoublty lay whop ass on 70.

To comemorate this day I will be handing out a beat down to someone that is in need.  I encourage you to do the same.  I pick Steven Seagal.  I figure he deserves it for all the pain that he has inflicted on the world, and to my estimation, I have a good shot at beating him up.

Please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as I can.

Note: 322lbs