The greatest gift

The greatest gift, is a gift that keeps on giving.  I know you are thinking STD, but I mean something good.  Not burning sensation.

I was given this awesome gift from Sir Cardigan.  It is a lego clown, less than an inch tall.

I keep it on my desk, sort of out of the way.  Apparently when you are scared of clowns, and you have a tiny clown perched on your desk, it freaks people out.

That my friends, is AWESOME!!!

Bad Mother...shut your mouth

If you have not made this purchase, and you do a lot of cooking, buy yourself a cast iron skillet.  If you like fried food (and who doesn't) it works like a dream.  The iron heats up to a scolding temperature and you can go from the stove top right into the oven.  One of the best places to make this purchase is at a camping supply store or Ace hardware.  That validates it as a kick ass piece of cookery.  When you are able to buy it at a store that carries firearms or power tools, then it screams testosterone.  As a matter fact mine came with a hunting knife, Impact wrench and a ball pein hammer.

When you do buy your cast iron skillet, try not to be greedy.  I bought one of the largest skillets I could find.  I figured that I have a large family, so I can take advantage of the space.  This thing is a monster.  It is so large that it takes up one and half burners and weighs a hefty 11lbs.  It is heavy enough for me to seriously think about it, before whipping it out.  This thing means business.

Like the man I am, I have decided to name it.  This is what men do.  We name the things we love or that are ominous/dangerous.  We name cars, guitars, guns and tools.  Actually some of the tool names are universal.  Every man has a BFH (Big F-ing Hammer) and a FUBAR (F'ed Up Beyond All Recognition).  Go to a construction site and ask.  They will pull out a really large hammer and a demo tool that looks like a hammer and a crowbar had a child.  Then they will give you a wedgie and throw you in the Shit Shack (outhouse). 

My cast iron skillet is named Shaft.  It doesn't matter that it is fry pan. 

This thing can kick your ass.

Cops and Robbers

I don't mind hanging out at the toy store with my kids.  Like most men, I like toys.  What I like most are the things that I think are cool.  Things that I wish I had when I was a kid.  I love the transformers, they are engineering masterpieces.  However, you need a MIT graduate to help you transform it.  Other than that, what is not to love.  It is a toy that turns into another toy.  This is way better than than the pipe cleaners that my parents bought me.  Yes, my parents bought me a huge pack of pipe cleaners.  I could twist and turn those pipe cleaners into whatever I wanted. I told you I was poor.

On one of my trips to the toy store I saw a police play set.  What I thought was interesting is that it did not include a gun.  I'm not saying that you need a gun to be a police officer.  Bobbies in the UK, typically don't have a side arm.  What is odd, is that this play set has a baton, goggles, compass, watch, canteen and hunting knife.  I don't want to live in a town where this is standard issue for the police force.  Although it would strike fear in the heart of a criminal when a goggle wearing police officer runs after them with a baton in one hand and a hunting knife in the other.  Maybe it wouldn't scare every criminal.  I don't think this officer would be well equipped to thwart a criminal that has a gun.

It also seems strange to me that a police officer would carry a compass and canteen.  Do law enforcement agents typically get lost or find themselves in a position that they may need a drink so urgently that they need to have it on their person?  I can't imagine there are a lot of foot chase scenarios that would dictate the use of a compass, let alone a chase that is so extensive that they would have the upper hand by having a canteen on hand.

Because of all these questions I decided that further investigation was necessary.  This toy had to be made in a country that this is normal.  I was thinking maybe Canada.  Not because of socialized medicine, the affinity to the Olympic sport Curling or Allen Thicke.  I'm thinking more on the lines of Royal Canadian Mounted Police.  A Mountie would be very well prepared with this gear.  He would also be able to subdue a rogue lumberjack or moose.

Of Course I was wrong.  The toy was not made in Canada, as I had hoped, it was manufactured in China (pause for shock and dismay).  What I want to know is, why did they do this?  Do the police force in China use these items, or do they think that American police do?  Do they have some sort of image of Chuck Norris wielding a knife?  Let's be honest, Chuck wouldn't need the knife. Or maybe this is a peek into the future.  About six months ago I saw this sign...

If they are offering sword training, maybe we will have a generation of criminals that are adept at sword fighting.  If that is the case, it makes sense that the police force would arm themselves with hunting knives and batons. 

Who am I kidding...this still does not make any sense.