Damn, I was poor

I knew we were poor growing up.  For the most part, we did not know it.  Hold on...let me rephrase that.  I knew we were poor from other people.  Not that they would tell me, well sometimes they would.  Most of the time I knew by comparing experiences.  It hits me like a ton of bricks, I sulk and say "damn, I was poor".
Once upon a time, velour was the big thing.  Everyone had velour sweaters and shirts.  This was not a good time in history.  Well me and my brother and sister wanted to be "in" too.  When this was addressed with our mother, she looked at us with conviction and told us that she would make it.  She bought a large bolt of orange velour (I know what a bolt of fabric is because our mom was always making us stuff).  Not just regular orange, but the kind of orange that shows up on satellite photos, the kind of orange that screams "KEEP CLEAR".  We ended up with matching shirts, sweaters and bathrobes.  We looked like the Partridge family on crack.
Years ago, I had a co-worker who was exactly one month younger than me.  He mentioned that was in the Boy Scouts for his entire youth.  I was in the boy scouts for a couple of years, so it stood to reason that we were at some of the same events.  He talked about camp, that I had gone to as well.  He could not get it out of his head how we had not run into each other.  He asked what bunk house I remember being in, this is where it unraveled. "Bunk house??? You got to stay the night there??? It was a day camp, we did not stay the night".  He stared at me while he processed the information, then announced "you were with the inner-city kids, they just come for the day."
Recently, my wife and I were talking about school lunches.  She asked what I usually had for lunch.  Tuna, I replied. I ate it everyday, until I could afford to buy my own lunch.  My wife insisted I was wrong, she knew we were poor and there was no way my mom was making tuna sandwiches everyday.  I told her that my mom made a can of tuna once a week and I had sandwiches from it all week.  It was like an anvil to my head.  One can of tuna that lasted a whole week?!?! Can you imagine how much mayonnaise it would take to make ONE can of tuna last a week?  I was eating MAYO SANDWICHES!

Damn, I was poor.

Birthday girl

Our baby girl just had her 4th birthday.
I know...time flies.

They say that they grow like weeds, and they are right.  It happens so fast.  However, it serves as a reminder that we need to enjoy the moment.

It wont be long before I am threatening her prom date.

Anthony Bordain

This past weekend, my wife and I went to see Anthony Bordain, Celebrity Chef/ Author/ Travel Channel host extraordinaire.   He is exactly like you would imagine.  He is living the Punk Rock dream, it is awesome.  He gets to say, do and go wherever he wants.
There were many things that he talked about, that struck a personal chord.  For example; He mentioned Giada De Laurentiis' (Food Network, Everyday Italian) large head.  This made me want to do a touchdown dance.  I tell my wife on a regular basis, that Giada has a huge PEZ head, and I would not be surprised if it flipped back on its hinge and a candy flew out.
Anthony came out and declared that he will not be saying anything bad about Rachael Ray.  This was a little disappointing to the audience.  He has made a lot of comments about her in the past including calling her a bobble-head.  He referenced a quote that he made on one of his blogs:
“Rachael Ray, it appears, when booking acts for her South By Southwest indie rock-meets-Sloppy Joes fest, invited the New York Dolls to perform. THE NEW YORK DOLLS!! It is an article of faith with me that the Dolls were one of the greatest, most important, criminally neglected, wildly influential bands in the history of well ... the freakin’ UNIVERSE!!  This development ... has caused me no small amount of confusion, panic and misery. I don’t know whether to go out and shoot a puppy, or send Rachael a fruit basket."
Shortly after making this comment, He returned to his New York apartment to be greeted by a huge fruit basket.  Attached to it was a note "please don't shoot a puppy, love Rachael."
I stared at Anthony in disbelief.  Not that she sent the fruit basket, or is genuinely a nice person.  No, it is because she listens to the New York Dolls!  To any music fan, this gives her immediate street cred.   I expect Rod Serling to walk in the door and narrate this alternate universe.
I tell you right now, if I find out that Martha Stewart has a Suicidal Tendencies tattoo across her stomach, is belting out vintage Tom Waits or Nick Lowe tunes, then I will be moving to a deserted island.

Tell the truth

The owner of this car is taking the initiative.  They want to make sure that their car will still be in the parking lot when they get out of the store.  I see this as being a trend, that we all need to get behind.

• Mercedes with a thousand miles of dirt on it: I DON'T WASH MY CAR, TO PISS YOU OFF.  IN YOUR YOGO.
• Window-less van: YES, I LOOK SUSPICIOUS, BUT I AM NOT A PERV.
• Truck that has fifteen foot lift: I THINK I LOOK COOL, THAT IS WHY. 

328lbs

Evaluation time

It is Evaluation season at my work.  This generally sucks on the highest of levels.  We do not give evaluations according to anniversary date, but by a common date.  That is over forty associates that I have to do at once.  I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I pride myself with writing concise evaluations with useful information.  This applies to 10-15 people, then it wears on me.  My mind starts to wander and the comments reflect it.  Here is where I am at:

• You are not the most irritating associate on my team, but with a little less work, I'm sure you will be.
• The work that you put into special projects barely meets the definition of work.
• Due to the irritating way you laugh, I would appreciate it if you spent more time communicating with my management staff and not myself.
• My education and respect for the English language usually holds me in check, but there are not a whole lot of ways to say that you are more stupid this year than last.  Thus your evaluation will be recorded that you are stupider than ever.
• Your evaluation is so bad, we will be sending you a bill for all the payroll that you wasted.
• This evaluation is below average, not because of your work or not achieving desired results.  It is because I have very few opportunity to put into writing that you smell bad and spit when you talk. 

Please submit your suggestions

The future looks bright

Because we live in a technology based society, it is seldom that I am truly impressed.  The first generation cell phones were as big as my shoe, now it is the size of a match book and has an mp3 player and camera.  It will not be long before we are talking into Dick Tracy watch/TV/camera/mp3/phones strapped to our wrists.  My general response to anything new is... "cool".  This weekend I experienced greatness.
We were at the Chik-Fil-A drive-thru, getting lunch.  This means that we have prepare a massive list of any sauce we want.  Should we not be prepared, somebody will not be happy.  When we get up to the window, I am stunned.  There are packets of ketchup in little tubs, convenient for dipping.  My first response, this is genius.  I was wrong, it is more than that, it is AMAZING.  You can open one side and dip your fries, or open the other and squeeze it out.  I hate to say this so early in the year, but this may be product of the year.

Update: Freakin' 328.8lbs

The Jennifer Hart Syndrome

It was over ten years ago, in a smokey apartment filled with empty cigarette packs and Coke bottles.  Eduardo and I had worked all night and were spending the afternoon making fun of each other until one of us laughs hard enough to shoot milk out of their nose.  The television is on and Hart to Hart is playing.
Hart to Hart was a cheezy detective show from the 80's about a well to do couple (the Hart's) and their butler that solve crimes when they were not at the country club.  There is a lull in the conversation and we realized that Jennifer Hart doesn't have an original thought in her head.  This is where we turn on her an start making fun of the character.  It was then that we realized that we had uncovered greatness.

THE JENNIFER HART SYNDROME

When someone is talking to you, simply repeat one word from the end of their sentence, as a question.  See sample conversation.

Them: I am going out tonight
You: tonight?
Them: Yes, probably going to see a movie
You: Movie?
Them: Yes, I haven't been in a long time
You: long time?

It can go on forever, but you get the picture.  Right about now you are thinking this is lame.  This is what will happen.  If you do this to an individual in a group, that person thinks you are engaged in the conversation.  The other people will see what you are doing, and the fun begins.  Give it a try.

Out of office

I will be out of the office February 1st, in observance of Exene Cervenkas birthday.

Everyone should have an X memory.  More likely than not, you do and don't know it.  X is one of the founding bands of the punk rock movement on the west coast.  Exene and John Doe supply the vocals.  If you have a good collection of X, you can see the progression, from youth filled angst to heartfelt observations on society.  If you don't, then it is not too late to make an investment.   I will be spending the day listening to "Johnny hit and run Pauline" and "Los Angeles" while piercing myself.

Please leave a message, and I will get back to you when I return.