Intro to Old People 101

The Deuce:
This may a difficult subject to discuss, so we will break it up in small digestible chunks.  I don't want you running out of the class, so this is a topic we will have often.  Just be forewarned, this will resurface, so be prepared and keep your notes.

Number two is number one with old people.  It is a fact of life, and one that becomes a lot more important with the increase of age.  There is a mathematical equation to establish the importance of the deuce, this is essentially multiplying the frequency and age.  This will provide you with a Poo Unit (PU), that can be used to properly establish the amount of Toilet Paper Usage (TPU), and assist with scheduling your own toilet use.  The PU is not to be taken lightly and has become an industry standard.  How does this effect you?  Let me give you an example.

#2 Example
When you use a public restroom, you typically avoid the one that someone stunk up.  You don't want to get blamed for the smell.  Now if someone is in the process of dropping (POD), you want to get in and out, before said person.  If they get out before you, you have the possibility of getting blamed for the deuce.  They leave, you are still washing your hands, a different person walks in, you now own it.

When visiting an Oldie, stay clear of times after feeding periods.  It is best to visit before and leave while they are processing the meal.  Not that I am suggesting you cut your visit short, just be smart about it.  The PU can also be applied to co-workers, despite their age.  Observe the feeding habits of the people you work with, then avoid using the restroom during that time.  This is referred to as the Brown Out (BO).

Remember to keep your notes, this subject will rear it's ugly head again, and again.  Work out your PU and know the BO.

Class dismissed.