Intro to Old People 101

I can't remember anyone's name.  Which is weird, because I can tell you that The Polecats sang "make a circuit with me", at the drop of a dime.  But I won't remember your name, three seconds after you tell me.  Most of the people around me think that it is that I don't care.  The truth is, I REALLY don't care. 

I keep a lot of useless information on hand and want to make sure there is enough room for random stuff.  My mind is not a steel trap, and never was, my mind is more like a colander.  When someone talks to me, I only retain certain bullet points.  The rest falls through the colander.  This gives me ample space for all the dumb crap, I find important.  If there is something that I need to pull out of our conversation.  I look at the few items in the colander and piece the conversation together.

This is something that has been very useful to me, when working in my environment.  You see, Old People can't get a story out, if their life depended on it.  They come in my office and talk for 20 minutes (if I am lucky).  When they are done, I look at the two items in my colander, and deal with it.  Usually I start thinking about songs from the 80's, when they are talking.  This gives the impression that I am paying attention.

Example
Oldie: I have a problem at my house, where I live.  My floor plan has...
In my head: Our house, in the middle of the street.  Our house, in the...
Oldie: ...I went to the bathroom...
In my head: Mirror in the bathroom, please talk free.  The door is locked just...
Oldie: ...When I returned I knocked over this table.  It is a little table that I got in Europe, that is hand made by this artisan.  The stuff fell off the table, but luckily my tea cup was empty.  I usually have tea in the afternoon...
In my head: Continue to sing Mirror in the bathroom, then move on to other English beat songs
Oldie: ...the sugar is stuck to the wheels on my walker...
In my head: Lips like sugar, sugar kisses. Lips like sugar, sugar kisses...
Oldie: ...daughter always had an interest in science...
In my head:  She blinded me with science..
Oldie:..and that is why I call my son everyday at 11

This is reason enough, to have selective hearing.  If I listened to every story, from every Oldie, my brain would overload.  So when dealing with Old People, follow these simple steps:

• Do not listen to everything
• Look like your paying attention, by nodding knowingly
• Sing songs in your head to keep you awake 

Class dismissed