Slammed

To say I am busy is an understatement.  I love the Holidays, but it is a whirlwind.  To me and the hordes of shoppers fighting over this years "Tickle-me-Elmo", this is the Busy Season.  I have not submitted a new blog in forever.  I apologize, but sacrifices need to be made.  It is either blog or have clean clothes.  My family and co-workers voted down the blog.  It is all for a good cause.  I love making Christmas a special time for my family.  Even if this is not how I was raised.

I did not grow up making gingerbread houses and decorating cookies.  One year I got a subscription to National Geographic and I was ecstatic.  I opened my gift and there was a post card saying that I had this subscription.  I tell this story and my kids get sad for me.  I tell them it was the greatest gift of all.  I knew right away, that I would be receiving a new issue every month.  It was like Christmas all year long. 
The Busy Season does make me thankful.  I am very proud what my wife and I have accomplished.  We are very fortunate.  Sometimes I need to be reminded, and sometimes the reminder comes in the strangest places. 

I was fighting for a parking space in the rear of the parking lot.  This would be a clear indication that you are screwed, when you have to wait for a spot to open at the far end of the lot.  This Mercedes pulls up and swoops my spot.  I would normally yell at this woman until her rectum ran out of her ass in fear.  This time I decided to be civil, and was awarded a spot right next to the Mercedes.  I laughed at the idea that this pompous bitch did not get the best of me.  She thinks she is hot shit in her Mercedes.  Then I saw the cassette tapes strewn on the front seat.

That is when I realized that she is not doing better than me.  She drives a Mercedes, rockin' a cassette deck.  Things are not always as they seem.  I am glad I gave her that spot.  It may be the only thing that goes right with her day.  Now I wonder if I can unload my old Dead Milkmen cassettes.

Thanks

I joke that all my friends are dead, and I do it often.  Not because I am callous, but out of respect.  I have not changed that much over the years.  My friends know me as a sharp tongued smart ass, of infinite proportions.  Living or dead, I'm going to make fun.  They would have it no other way.

Last night I reflected on the friends that I have lost.  The good times that we had and the harsh reality that the are gone forever.  What saddens me is that this could have been avoided. Alcohol related liver failure, Heroin overdose, working yourself to the grave and suicide.  None of this needed to happen.

I have formed new friendships over the years, but saw my old  friendships as a security blanket.  "friends will help you move, best friends will help you move a dead body".  That has been my philosophy.  

I don't like to waste my time reflecting on things that I cannot change.  I prefer to keep focus on the future.  This Thanksgiving I give thanks to all the things that I have, not what I don't.  My wife and kids are everything to me and I am very thankful.  God has been very good to me.

It is time to let go of the security blanket.  Enjoy the new friendships that are being forged.  It is time to make a new list of people that will help me move a dead body.

Prequel?????

I know I am wrong for saying this.  I know you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
But...

Is this the Prequel to Brokeback Mountain?

Loutallica

When it comes to music, I like to stay on the cutting edge.  Even though I lean more towards Alternative, I really like all kinds of music.  Now when I say Alternative, I don't mean the crap on the radio.  I mean stuff that will not get air play because they can not afford to grease palms or they refuse to do so.

Every so often something comes up, and I am shocked that I didn't hear about it in advance.  Lou Reed and Metallica have an album coming out Oct 31!  I had to stop working, put an out of office on my phone and research this gem.  It is an album that is based around a theatrical interpretation of two works by modernist playwright Frank Wedekind.  OK, I am down.

I remember blowing money as a kid, by judging a band by the cover of the album.  Nowadays it is a couple clicks of a mouse to get a good taste of new music.  Well I tasted this, and can honestly say it is the musical version of a shit sandwich.  Even though I did not buy the album, I did stop working to check this out.  I will need Lou or Metallica to compensate me for time lost.

The music and the vocals do not match up.  It's like a Lou Reed album playing while the neighbor is blasting Metallica.  Now I am basing this on listening to half of the first track "the View", but I do not need to eat the whole shit sandwich before declaring that it is not good. 

I have a lot of respect for both Lou Reed and Metallica, but my assistant put it best "just because spaghetti and ice cream are good, does not mean that they should be together"

The Fruit does not fall far...

My poor daughter gets sick all the time.  She goes to preschool, so she catches everything coming down the pike.  Once again she is a trooper as I took her to the Doctor this morning.  While I was there, I realize just how much my daughter and I have in common.  As miserable as she may feel, she is always down to eat and watch television.  These are the two main things I DID NOT want her to inherit. 

Today, however, a new trait popped up.  At the Doctors office we saw this toilet...

She pointed at it and yelled "look Dad, sweet toilet!!!!"

That's my girl.

The greatest gift

The greatest gift, is a gift that keeps on giving.  I know you are thinking STD, but I mean something good.  Not burning sensation.

I was given this awesome gift from Sir Cardigan.  It is a lego clown, less than an inch tall.

I keep it on my desk, sort of out of the way.  Apparently when you are scared of clowns, and you have a tiny clown perched on your desk, it freaks people out.

That my friends, is AWESOME!!!

Pain in the ass?

I heard a piece on the radio about people that didn't know some things to be true.  A lady learned in a dinner party, that there was no such thing as unicorns.  Another person thought elves were real and was referring to people smaller than midgets.

I have a confession to make.  I am not 100% sure what hemorrhoids are.  I know it sounds odd, but I'm just being honest. I have never experienced the problem and honestly don't know what to look for if I was.  I just know that everything is fine down south, no problems to report.

This came up when a co-worker admitted the same.  Again, this is very odd.  You see, I work in the health care industry.  Nope, I am not a doctor.  I work in the operations aspect.  So it would make sense that I would know about these things.  I can explain Scabies in great detail, tell you how it is contracted and how to disinfect.  Yet, I don't know crap about hemorrhoids. 

I blame the internet for this problem.  It holds a wealth of information, but I am afraid to type in hemorrhoids.  It's like the Guinness book of world records.  When you crack it open you expect to find the world record holder in, whatever.  I put hemorrhoid into my search engine, I'm going to see a more than I want to see. 

I vote that someone make search engine that does not pull up the extreme situation.  So you can be introduced to a subject without causing irreparable damage to your psyche or give you nightmares.  A place where a person could look up hemorrhoids or ring worm and not want to vomit.

Bill Gates, if you are still reading my blog, please have this taken care of.