Monday morning blues

I'm tired and I don't want to be at work.
I will have to physch myself to make it through the day.

It can only mean one thing.
Eddie Murphy singing "Party all the time"

Not only does the song take me out of my Monday funk.  I get a good laugh at the Guitarist that has the blazer and no shirt.  That is 80's awesomeness!!!!

Misery loves company

AAAAGH!!! MY EYES!!!

This is someone's Grandma.  This is gross.  Please make it stop.

If you know this woman, or one of her great-grand kids, please for the love of God, make her put on some clothes.  I am sorry to do this to you, but if I make this a public appeal, maybe we can make a change.

Now excuse me while I wash my eyes out with bleach.

Government control

I believe everyone should get the freedom choice.  I don't think that we should be monitored by Big Brother, The Government or Aliens that are planning to annihilate us.  I also believe that most people take this freedom and crap all over it, and ruin it for everyone.  There is a reason that the gas station stopped letting people use the restroom, because YOU messed it up for the whole class.

You should be able to buy what you want, when you want.  But there are some things that are a really bad idea.  I am not pro gun control, but think that you should not be allowed to buy a 30 round clip for your AK-47.  Why do you need that?  You can make the argument that it is one of our fundamental freedoms to bear arms.  I could not agree more.  However, I do not think our founding fathers meant that you should be better armed than most third world countries.  I am not suggesting that the government take control, I am saying that the manufacture needs to take some sort of responsibility.
 
This responsibility should resonate in all areas of our lives.  But, time and time again, I am faced with the fact that large corporations, just don't care.  This could not get any more evident than the latest menu item at McDonalds.  You can buy 50 McNuggets for $9.99.  This seems insane to me.  Why would you need 50 nuggets?  You can't argue that this item is for a family, when there are no other items on the menu that cater to this.  You can go to Kentucky Fried Chicken and buy a bucket of chicken.  They base their menu on this.  You can buy different combinations that are suited to your family.  Everything at McDonalds is for an individual, including the two cheeseburger meal.

Companies NEED to take responsibility for their actions.  This is the sort of thing that will lead to the government mandating that you cannot purchase more than said amount of calories per day.  This will happen and every wingnut in a trailer will scream that the government is trying to take control of EVERYTHING.  They wouldn't have to if society could show some self control.

I am a fattie, and I love to eat.  I will also be the first one to vote that there needs to be a mandatory waiting period to buy a crate of McNuggets.

My bad

I see a lot of stupid things on a regular basis.  This has made me very cynical.  I take a lot of pictures of this stupidity and it barely scratches the surface.  So it stands to reason that I assume that most people are stupid.  I also know that when I do wrong, I need to get up on that same soapbox and declare it.

I took this picture of a sticker on the side of a van.  I am not exactly sure what the message is.  My first thought is "no trailer hitch on crotch".  This struck me as funny and stupid.  I wish people would include an explanation of stickers.  I am a fairly intelligent person, so if I don't get it, then your message is lame.  What are you trying to say? Do you often have people that are trying to hook their Airstream to your Johnson? You know that they put this sticker on to impress the ladies.  Do they think a woman will look at it and be impressed with their ability to attach a trailer to their junk? 

That is when I realize just how jaded I have become.  I automatically assumed that this person was a dumbass.  As I stared at the sticker, I ignored the fact that it was a handicap van fitted with a wheelchair ramp.  The sticker was a warning that the ramp extends.

I suck.

You made me do this

When I was a growing up, there was a little thing called integrity.  Considering that I was associated with the dregs of society, it may seem like a exaggeration.  For example, we would get into bar clearing brawls, but the police were never involved.  You could leave your backpack in front of the 7-11 (so they could ensure no one would shoplift), and nobody would take it.  Maybe it is a case of honor among thieves, anyway you look at it...things were better.

I was at a Starbucks recently (where I ONLY order large coffee flavored coffee) and had to use the restroom.  There was a shelf in the restroom, and I couldn't understand why.  It occurred to me that its sole purpose was to place your coffee, while you take care of business.  This seems really gross to me.  I would not take my coffee into a public restroom, and I certainly don't need shelf.  If I do need to use the restroom, and I didn't have the wherewithal to think about this BEFORE I ordered my ten dollar coffee, then I would put it on a table.

What world do you live in where you need to bring your coffee into a public restroom.  Are people concerned that someone would take their coffee?  I have experienced how people order drinks at Starbucks.  I can say with great certainty that you are the only one that likes your coffee.  The person that drags their coffee into the restroom is the same person who took five minutes to order the stupid drink.  Nobody wants it, you can leave it on a table.

How about we meet halfway.  They can place a shelf outside the restroom, so you feel special.  Just be warned, now that I know that you are a complete douche...I am taking your drink.

Be a candy bar

You know what, Forrest was kind of right.  Life is not like a box of chocolates, people are.  You have all these wonderful differences that make us a community or a box of chocolates.  What I don't like are the people that are like nougat.  Nougat was created as a filler, so they don't have to add all the good stuff.  Nougat is crap wrapped in chocolate.

This analogy goes a long way, it applies to just about everything.  Music: Van Halen was chocolate with nuts, after David Lee Roth it turned to nougat.  Movies: Terminator 1 was chocolaty caramel goodness  Terminator 2 and on, were nougat bombs.

Now that you get it, you can apply this to life.  What kind of person have you been, and who would you like to be?  I would like to think that I am a solid Hershey bar, but others would differ.  I am more like the Hershey with almonds.  Good hearty chocolate laced with nuts.

Try not to be nougat, because the best that you can be is a Milky Way bar.  And people that go out of their way to consume a Milky Way bar are not to be trusted.

Bad Mother...shut your mouth

If you have not made this purchase, and you do a lot of cooking, buy yourself a cast iron skillet.  If you like fried food (and who doesn't) it works like a dream.  The iron heats up to a scolding temperature and you can go from the stove top right into the oven.  One of the best places to make this purchase is at a camping supply store or Ace hardware.  That validates it as a kick ass piece of cookery.  When you are able to buy it at a store that carries firearms or power tools, then it screams testosterone.  As a matter fact mine came with a hunting knife, Impact wrench and a ball pein hammer.

When you do buy your cast iron skillet, try not to be greedy.  I bought one of the largest skillets I could find.  I figured that I have a large family, so I can take advantage of the space.  This thing is a monster.  It is so large that it takes up one and half burners and weighs a hefty 11lbs.  It is heavy enough for me to seriously think about it, before whipping it out.  This thing means business.

Like the man I am, I have decided to name it.  This is what men do.  We name the things we love or that are ominous/dangerous.  We name cars, guitars, guns and tools.  Actually some of the tool names are universal.  Every man has a BFH (Big F-ing Hammer) and a FUBAR (F'ed Up Beyond All Recognition).  Go to a construction site and ask.  They will pull out a really large hammer and a demo tool that looks like a hammer and a crowbar had a child.  Then they will give you a wedgie and throw you in the Shit Shack (outhouse). 

My cast iron skillet is named Shaft.  It doesn't matter that it is fry pan. 

This thing can kick your ass.