Pretentious Crepe

This weekend we were in Half Moon Bay, California.  My wife grew up there, so we try to visit as often as possible.  I find it very interesting how the town has changed over the years.  A lot of money has moved into the area, so you still have that small town feel, with a massive price tag.  It stands to reason that this would happen.  It is just south of San Francisco, along the coast.  It is picture perfect and has a large artist community.  Everything that attracts money.

For the most part, I don't play well with others.  I like to poke these people with a stick, as often as possible.  While we were at a small bakery, the woman in front of me goes into long winded dissertation prior to asking her question.  She approached the counter and announced to the lady behind the counter, that she was having an upscale dinner party and wanted to know whether they could accommodate her needs and still ensure the top quality.  It sounded a lot like (note: she sounded like Mrs Howell).... "I am having a dinner party that will include many high society people, can you tell me the origins of your grain and if you can guarantee that it will be of superior quality for my high society guests.  Is your grain raised locally and can you give me a complete profile of the farmer.  I can't supply my high society guests with any grain that was harvested cruelly.  I need to see the signed contract that the grain willingly agreed to be a part of my bread.  I would like to meet the young gentleman that hand carried said product to the eco-friendly vehicle and pictures of the wind powered mill as well."

OK, maybe this is a slight exaggeration, but to me that is what it sounded like.  I was so interested in the conversation that I didn't realize that I was ignoring a young lady that was waiting to assist me.  Now I decide to make fun of this stuck up customer by acting as snooty as her.  I ask the employee if I could have a Cinnamon Crepe, then point out that I missed pronounced it and it was actually a Cinnamon Crisp.  I apologize for the mistake and tell her that I recently returned from one of my many trips to Paris and haven't made the adjustment.  She doesn't bat an eye and processes my order.
I realize when I was done, that my joke fell flat and she thinks I am one of the pretentious people.

Now I feel bad.

Cheap...cheap...cheap

The other day I took the car for an oil change.  While waiting for the service, I decided to walk over to the 99 cent store.  I had my daughter with me, so it is a huge pay off for her to go to a store that I will pretty much buy her anything.  She loves the princess stuff and I don't mind spending 99 cents for something that will probably break before it gets home.  I really like going to the 99 Cent Store, the entertainment alone is priceless.

Michal Phelps audio book.  This is what smoking pot got you.  You can wipe snot on paper and place on the best seller list.  Take a bong rip, you end  up at the 99 Cent Store.  Is there a better reason to say no to drugs?

Condoms?!?!?!?!? You should be arrested for buying contraceptives at the 99 Cent Store.  Wait, I take it back.  You should be taken out behind the store and beaten within an inch of your life.  You are not taking the slightest bit of effort in birth control if you are using these.  I would be more likely to use a 99 cent defibrillator or parachute than this condom.

If I were a Cop

There is soooooo many things wrong with this truck.

The images on the right are the band members of Metallica.  Yes, he decided that his truck needs to have the pictures of the entire band on the tailgate of his truck.  I get that James Hetfield is awesome, but how many people look at that picture and say "your truck looks so much better with Lars rockin' the drums!".  If I were a Cop, I would pull him over to find out what he was thinking.

Right side of the truck.  There are two images of Poncho Villa hanging out with what looks like a terrorist.  I can't begin to think what the thought process is behind this.  If I were a police officer, I am pulling this guy over everyday, to find out what he was up to.

The sticker on the top says "Ra_ge against the machine".  He scraped off an additional letter.  There is a strong possibility that at one time, that sticker read: RANGE AGAINST THE MACHINE.   If I were a Cop, I would surely find a pound of weed in this truck.

Profile complete:
He is not a retard for having pictures of the entire band Metallica.  He is not involved in an terrorist organization.  He is not a massive pot head for misspelling Rage against the Machine.  Please note, the right side turn signal is different from the left.  This guy is a huge Tweaker.  He started changes his tail lights, then in the middle of that added all these sticker, then realized he spelled the bands name wrong, then scraped off the N, then started washing his truck, then started cutting the lawn, then went to store for cigarettes.

If I were a cop, I just arrested him for possession of Methamphetamine.

Minimum Day

 I will taking time off whenever I feel that a holiday should be observed (Exene Cervenka Day, Chuck Norris Day, Talk Like a Pirate Day, etc).  I will be taking a minimum day whenever the event of observance is big, but does not warrant an entire day off.

I will be leaving early today in observance of Dee Snider's birthday.  Yes, front man to Twisted Sister.  His dedication to the Heavy Metal cause is reason enough to take time off.

I will be listening to Twisted Christmas all afternoon.  You will know who I am, from the blood trickling out my ears.

feelin' gassy

In these economic times, it make sense to save in as many arenas as humanly possible.  I get my gas from either Costco or Sams Club, whenever convenient.  OK, there is a strong possibility that it is watered down second hand gas siphoned from disabled cars on the side of the road.  But when I am dumping a bunch of gas into our van...I don't care.  It is not like I drive an Italian or German sports car, that will only take high octane gas, refined from oil carried down by burros from the Andes.  It is not a fine tuned green machine that will only get billion miles to the gallon if you fill it with gas imported from JPL (Jet Propulsion Laboratory).  It is a minivan, and this is not rocket science.  You put gas in, car go voom.

So I stand in line like the rest of the hordes of gas getters and wait my turn.  I try to be courteous and make the transaction as fast as possible. 
It was during one of my visits, I witnessed the ultimate sin.  Here is this guy filling up a bunch of containers with gas.  I was appalled.  I know it was his turn, but it was like watching someone fill up there pockets with food, at a buffet. 

Did I miss something?  Some kind of memo that said that we should take as much as we can, and fill our under ground bunker?

Maybe it is just me, maybe I am weird.  This just seems like another reason why other countries don't like us.  Well this and the fact that Burger King is advertising a triple hamburger.

Out of office...again

I am currently out of the office. In observance of Chuck Norris' 70th birthday.

He kicked the crap out of 69 and will undoublty lay whop ass on 70.

To comemorate this day I will be handing out a beat down to someone that is in need.  I encourage you to do the same.  I pick Steven Seagal.  I figure he deserves it for all the pain that he has inflicted on the world, and to my estimation, I have a good shot at beating him up.

Please leave a message and I will return your call as soon as I can.

Note: 322lbs