Story of my beard

When I was very young, one of the neighborhood kids was very obese.  He could not be described as having baby fat, or being chunky.  He was 6 or 7, and was round.  He seemed really nice, and kept to himself.  I admit to being bad with names, but in fairness, nobody in the neighborhood knew his name.  As far as we knew, his name really was "Fat Kid".  He answered to it, so it must be true.  This is where you say "kids can be cruel".  He didn't go to our school, he didn't play with the other kids.  He chose to be alone.

On one afternoon, our play options were limited.  It had rained all day, so we were confined to playing under the covered parking at our apartment complex.  We all played with our cars, reenacting last nights episode of Dukes Of Hazzard.  Fat Kid comes over and asks if he can play.  I gave him some of my cars (that I had carefully picked out), and we resumed our game.

Everything was going well, until one of my friends started making fun of me.  Not to say that is bad.  Making fun of each other and our families is a solid form of entertainment in the neighborhood I grew up in.  I don't know what he said, but I fired right back.  This led to my other friend to join in, and we were going round and round.  Typical comments are "your mama so black, she gets marked absent at night school or your nose so big, you pick it with a boxing glove".  This banter is an open invitation for anyone to join in.  We do this so often that if you jump in, you better be prepared.

At this time Fat Kid decides to join in the fun.  He turns to me and says "your so stupid, you keep Frosted Flakes in the freezer".  Then hits me with "your so fat, when you sit around the house, you sit AROUND the house".  Followed by "my mom took me to the circus, you can't afford to go".  (Please remember we are all under 7 years old).  The way I see it, he got three good shots in.  I was being nice by not responding, but he just called me stupid, fat and poor.  So I laid into him:

• Your so fat, you don't use a lunch box, you use a suitcase 
• When you went to circus, do they try to feed you peanuts and make you do tricks?
• Was the circus scared that you would steal their tent to make another shirt?
• We can afford the circus, we just can't fit if you are there.
• You are so fat, I don't know where your face stops and your stomach starts

He started crying after the second put down, the last comment made him snap.  By the time I was done, he was charging at me with both arms spinning.  He looked ridicules, like the robot from Lost in Space.  Instead of fighting him, I jumped back and yelled "he is going to eat me!!!"

I knew right away that I had done a bad thing.  The other kids stared at me, while Fat Kid left the parking lot crying.  I usually felt good about myself after I cut someone down, a feeling of power.  My friends, sensing my sadness, did what friends do.  Make you feel worse.  "Wow, that was really mean".  Thanks, you really know how to cheer a guy up.  After, what seems like an hour of silence, Roger walked up to me.  Roger was my closest friend.  Our front doors were three feet apart.  Surely he would make this better.  "Don't feel bad, Fat Kid deserved it...he just stole three of your cars".

This memory is steeped in lessons.  All of which I could have learned from, and been a better person.  The one that stands out the most was that one comment "you are so fat, I don't know where your face stops and your stomach starts".  That is when I decided, when I grow up, I am growing a beard.