New beginings...

I am fat.

There is no hiding it. You see me and you say, "that guy is fat". I like the people that refer to me as big, or even huge. But really, I am fat. Because I am tall, I wear it quite well. So if you are keeping score, that makes me the big fat guy. I sometimes shop at the Big and Tall Store (aka Big and Fat Shop), so that makes it official. I wonder if tall people would like to disassociate themselves from the Fatties and wish there was a Tall Store no where in the neighborhood of the Fat Store.

It does not take a rocket scentist to figure out what the problem is. Hold the presses...I like food. Not only do I like food, I love me the snack foods, aka I eat like a stoner. What is that, you may ask your self. Well If you have every picked up a Dorito and said to your self, "this chip sure could use some nacho cheese", then you know what I mean.

While on vacation I was faced with a food dilemma.

I like to fool myself that I occasionally eat healthy. At work I opt for salads and stay away from the fries. Not bad, for a fattie. Oh, did I mention that I eat for free and the people that feed me are upscale food service providers. In light of that, I think I do pretty good when I get a salad instead of Monte Cristo (fried french toast sandwich with ham and cheese) and Tiramasu. So, I will say it again. Not bad for a fattie.

I was in a restaurant called Shari's in Sacramento. This place looks like an old folks restauraunt. You know the type, Carrows, Denny's etc. I was not looking for high end, just a stick to your ribs meal. As soon as we sit down, my fattie-ness is impressed. On the table they have EVERY condiment on hand. This includes Mayo.

Let me give you some background. I am Dutch, and we eat french fries with Mayo. Actually, In the Mother Land (Netherlands), we eat french fries with a french fry sauce (frite sauce). It is creamy goodness, that can only be invented by a country that has legalized pot and prostitution. The closest thing to it in the States is Mayo.

Here is the a fore mentioned dilemma; there on the menu is a burger with cheese, ham, fried egg and bacon. Go ahead and process that for a moment. Burger+cheese+ham+fried egg+bacon. This is no longer a choice on the menu. This is a challenge! This establishment just earned itself the Paste Eater stamp of approval. A food item that appeals to Fatties, Stoners, Pregnant Mothers with strange cravings and lumber jacks.

You know what needs to happen...


Yes, it was all that you could imagine. Goodness, wrapped in goodness with goodness poured on top. It was like Fat porn.

Now back to reality...
After indulging in the "Gluttony burger extraordinaire" I realized something very disturbing. Something very Edgar Allen Poe. I am being hounded by constant reminders of the massive calories that I have consumed, almost beating in my ears like a drum.

I am standing in line at Target, going to get my kids some popcorn and an Icee. On the menu is the calorie count for each item (look closely). This is insane. If I wanted to eat healthy, I sure the hell would not be standing in line at Target. I figure this must be a fluke. An anomaly.

I was wrong, very wrong. Baker's is a chain of burger/taco shops. I am in the drive thru. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!! It is following me around. Constantly scolding me for my past calorie sins. Why are they telling me each items calorie count??? This is complete madness.

I am not one to walk away from a fight. I have never backed away from a challenge. However, it is time to throw in the grease stained towel.

It is time for me to lose weight.

Currently: 347.8lbs